***** This is the text from my original “About me” section. I wanted to put it here in case anyone likes this sort of thing like I do! *****
So who am I exactly? I am a Wife. I am a Mother. I am a Mystic
I am a Wife
I never thought I was intuitive or clairvoyant or any type of psychic. It was my sister who knew the moment our great grandma died, even before my mother called her at soccer camp. She is the one who calls me to tell me of a vision she has seen or a dream she had.
But me, who am I? I am the one she calls. I am the one who has read the books and researched the unknown. I’ve always been interested in metaphysics. As a child I often found myself in the “witchcraft and wicca” section of any bookstore, sneaking around, embarrassed if anyone caught me. I was one of those kids who read their horoscope daily, but I took it one step forward and would cut it out of the paper and carry it around in my pocket next to my lucky rabbit’s foot. My parents got me “The Only Astrology Book You’ll Ever Need” and I devoured it. I learned my moon sign and Ascendant. I got a deck of Medicine Cards, the closest I could get to the tarot without actually getting a tarot deck as a kid.
I didn’t realize that I actually had tapped into my own intuitive abilities until I started meditating daily in college and began opening myself up. One of my stronger “clairs” is clairaudience. I get messages from my guides through sounds, particularly music. I remember clearly one crisp autumn day, driving the two and a half hours of highway between my state college and my parents house, just letting my mind wonder. Then I asked for a sign from my guides (although I didn’t know that is who I was talking to at the time) about what I should do about a boy at school, and then a song came on the radio that gave me the answer. And now that boy is my husband. I am a Wife.
I am a Mother
I drifted away form the divinatory arts until coming back full circle when a move left me lonely and in need of spiritual guidance. I found the guidance in the metaphysical section of a bookstore and was drawn back home to a familiar place with astrology and cards. I was trying to find myself, while also trying to be a grown up at the same time. The cards felt safe and familiar to me.
Like most tarot readers I mainly read for myself in the beginning. Asking how my upcoming day would go, and occasionally laying out the ubiquitous Celtic Cross. But then I started asking about something I wanted most of all, a baby. Each month I would eagerly ask the cards if that was the month I’d get pregnant, being too new to tarot at the time to know that this is considered “taboo” by many. But each month I’d get an answer that was clearly a no. Then one day the cards I had hoped for came up. There was the Empress, clearly pregnant in the card. There was the Lovers entwined, the two of wands, the World, the Ace of Swords and finally the Queen of Cups. A week later I had a positive pregnancy test.
But the story doesn’t end there. This was not the happy joyful pregnancy that you see in the movies. This was a pregnancy filled with anxiety and worry, and one that just so happened to be timed perfectly to my Saturn Return. So you know that 20 week ultrasound where you are supposed to gleefully learn if your baby is a boy or a girl. Yeah, well I learned I was having a girl, but I also learned that she would be missing some parts of her brain.
Now I was left with the ultimate test of living in the present moment. I would not know how my baby girl would do until after her birth, and even then we would have to wait for her to get older. My pregnancy was filled with test after test to make sure she was doing all right. And throughout it all I relied on my cards and various crystals along with my guides to get me through. And my guides were right there the whole time. The morning of my scheduled c-section I woke up gently to the peaceful song of “Quiet Waters” running through my head, everything would turn out as it was meant to. I am a Mother.
I am a Mystic
So how does all this metaphysical stuff really work? How do I really know I’m getting the right answer? Truthfully, I don’t. I believe and that makes it possible. I believe that Tarot is about tapping into what energies are currently present surrounding a given situation or person. The energies can change. We can do something that affects them for better or worse, but we can use tarot as a snapshot to where things stand at the present moment. A portrait of where the universe is headed at one moment in time. And we all can tap into this energy to see what the status is of any situation. Energy is free flowing all around us. We ourselves are just energy. We can learn to use our intuition and tap into this energy to read what it is saying to us at this very moment.
But don’t get me wrong. I’ve had some disastrous tarot readings. They don’t always go as I expect they will. One I remember quite well. It happened while I was visiting my sister who had recently had a baby. I brought my cards as well as the traditional baby gift along for a week long visit. One evening my sister decided to asked for a reading. And it was a train wreck. The tower card came up, an image of two people falling out of a building surrounded by lightening bolts, I didn’t know the spread I was working with well enough and to top it all off the tv was blaring in the background. That experience could have turned me off tarot for good, but I’ve learned a lot since then. First and foremost, all televisions must be turned off before a reading starts! Also, now I know how to hold sacred space and call in my guides. I know how to trust my instinct and not let other’s thoughts or feelings influence what it is I’m seeing.
Then there are the times when you have a really great reading. When it finally does click, the cards just fall into place and the overall theme just comes to you, that is a wonderful feeling. I felt that feeling when the cards told me I was pregnant. I felt that feeling when the cards told me opening up a tarot business would be a good idea. Another Empress smiling back at me. I am a Mystic.